to say or not to say

over the years, ive learnt alot about people, about eq and social skills..
the old me, just speaking whatever i wish to say, so frank n straight.. somehow is dying away
as u age, sometimes u really wonder whether u can really say everything thats in ur mind without really giving any thoughts about the consequences of ur "speech"..
my old frens call me the loudhailer. expects me to announce news and let it spread like wild fire.
i admit that was so me last time.
but nowadays, i think i can never b so frank anymore. have to consider whether or not the person who is the main subject of the topic likes it or not. how it is going to influence the person's life etc etc.
nowadays, before i say anything abt anyone else, i would think if there's even a need for that other person to know abt this other someone. its kinda not very myself. i find myself holding back my tongue. which is rather unnatural to a certain extent. but i haf to.

last time, i use to say frankly what i feel that the person should or shouldnt have done. but now, i'll wait for a while. contain abit of what i have to say. think of whether or not is there a point in saying it at all. sometimes, i guess i'll just let go and forget abt it and leave my opinions behind my head and convince myself that that person just isnt worth for me to say so much and then get into unneccesary shit n awkwardness. there's just simply no point in saying so much, unless the person really means alot to u.. which very often than not, many people doesnt really mean that much to each other anymore.

and moving on to people whom have heard stuff and uve told stuff to.. and thats where the gossips come along and truths distorted causing distress to others. i guess everywhere u go, be it work or school, people just talk and gossip non stop. to entertain our pathetic boring lives i guess. and tlaking abt people u might not know, forming opinions here n there.
and the problem comes when the subject of the people's talk is abt you.
u might take it positively, or negatively. most of the time, its negative i suppose. and u start gettign affected, n upset and worried..
and half the time, the people are those who don't relaly matter to u and rationally, u shudnt b bothered how these people who are not close to form negative opinions about u..
but reality, its human nature to get affected by these negative small talks about u.. then u think and imagine worse stuff..
for instance, just like how it happens in schools, where ur students start saying what this stupid teacher does to u.. yadah yadah n u hear form another teacher what the student said about you.. n starting to feel how lousy a teacher u are..
or just like long long time ago, where this stupid instructor of mine, told my this other fren during an interview how i shudnt have assumed such an important post coz im totally not capable of it and there are other more suitable candidates.
i cant deny i wasnt upset. i was extremely. and i tot that was the most disgusting thing to do.
now ive rather accepted the fact, coz i dont need any judgement on my capabilities and what that idiot wasnt the truth i know anyway.
or say another case, where people know what kindof background ure from, start forming stereotypes, thinking ure showing off when u talk abt academics, scholarships and stuff...
all these are endless la. u can never please the world. please urself. hide from people. sigh.
so hard to be a human huh. with good social skills.

im just blabbering off. dont think im making any sense. just a sudden urge of things to rant about being a socially well adapted human and growing older n hopefully wiser i guess... and i also do hope that the solution can b concluded and all's well will end well and eveyrone will be happy :)


to jf: yeah my GESL is great after time! i love them now.. haha n yes. i pity the midcareer people.. orientation is just totally dumb! gosh!!! hahaha congrats on ur last day of practicum!!! thats fast!! :) n on to a fullfledge teacher mr xiao! :)